The 10D10 Interview Challenge

#13 – Veronica Smith, author, and pie bingo enthusiast.

(wtf is pie bingo?)

Veronica was a fan, back in the day. I’m told it was a Wednesday by Dane Cook.

She’s awesome. We met at a meet and greet in Houston back in 2015 or so, and hit it off. Likable, funny, could juggle chainsaws, and was an aspiring writer too. Once she put the chainsaws down that day, and started putting words on paper, I could see that one day she too would write things that made people uncomfortable, and that’s something I could really latch on to.

So here we are, a few years and a few books written later, and I’m rolling dice to generate weird questions for her, and her pie-bingo obsessed ass. Her dice rolls were: , 4, 7, 8, 2, 10, 9, 7, 6, 8

And here’s how it all went down:

1. What’s your favorite food?

Dark chocolate as far as sweet stuff goes; the darker the better. For regular food, I love a good fried chicken – dark meat – thighs or drumsticks only please. Despite living in Texas, I can’t seem to find really good fried chicken. We had a soul food place out here several years ago and it was the best ever. Then they closed down (never found out why) and all other fried chickens pale in comparison.

Dude. Dude. Dark chocolate is the ONLY chocolate, as far as I’m concerned. Also, my mom made amazing fried chicken growing up, and now I’m spoiled, nothing has ever compared.

2. When you read your positive reviews on Amazon or Goodreads, do you touch yourself?

Of course! And also when I think of you! I do get giddy still when I read a really good review. So of course when I get a really bad one, I just mentally give them the finger (just kidding). A guy at my office read one of my books and now he’s telling everyone there’s a published writer in the building. I haven’t yet seen my sale skyrocket though.

Awww, shucks. I touch myself when I think of me too! I remember coworkers. I almost miss them. Then I think of Karen microwaving her tuna-pea-wiggle casserole on Monday and fucking up the break room for an entire week and realize I don’t actually miss them. Congrats on the good reviews. You deserve it.

3. What was the first movie you saw in the theater, and what did you think?

Oh my god! Do you realize how old I am? I can’t remember that far back! Let’s see Star Wars came out when I was 12. I was 10 when I saw Jaws. I know I’m rambling, don’t bother me, I’m trying to remember. Blazing Saddles when I was 9. Mom and Dad really had no clue what that one was about until we were in the theater. Oh yeah, now I remember. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I was about 6 then. The original one with Gene Wilder, not that Johnny Depp crap.

I would never talk about a lady’s age in her presence for fear of being bitten. I hear at your age you can actually bite two to three people a week and people will still think you’re just ‘eccentric.’ That being said… Jaws. Yeah. That movie DAMAGED ME. I can’t swim in the ocean still unless I can see all the way to the bottom. Just can’t. Won’t. Also, while we’re talking about being damaged, the old Willa Wonka fucking boat scene left some scars too.

4. What’s your Achilles heel? Lack of rest? Cheesecake? IBS?

IBS? Holy cow, how did you know? But you know the toilet is a really good place to come up with ideas for stories though. There, in the shower (usually while my head is covered in shampoo – go figure), and on my long commute home from work. I carry a voice recorder so I can blurt out the good stuff before it leaves my head in a cloud of road rage. But seriously, I can’t get any writing done once my husband gets home. When he gets home all he really wants to do is watch shows that we store up in the DVR. I like to watch them too, just not 3 or 4 in one night.

I’m confused… is your Achilles heel diarrhea, or too much good television to watch?

You know what… I don’t need that clarified. Moving on….

5. When someone says, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity,” what’s your response?

I hate both heat and humidity but dammit, the more humid it is, the more miserable it is. I’m torn though. I hate the humidity but I can’t live without it. We live in Katy (just west of Houston) by the Gulf Coast so it’s always humid here. We visited family once in Lubbock (way north Texas – no humidity – in fact dry enough to peel your skin – so dry there were tumbleweeds rolling on the runway when we landed). I went through an entire bottle of lotion in the 3 days we were there. My hair stuck up with static and everything I touched shocked the hell out of me. I can’t stand it that dry. So as bad as the humidity is, I’ll take it any day. I like my skin and want to keep it.

Only someone from the Houston area would actually make the case for humidity being a good thing. Y’all are fucking weird, Veronica. You can keep your humidity. Well, anything above 60%. I don’t like it too dry. Gives me bloody noses at night.

6. Whose autograph would you be willing to have tattooed on your body, and where would you get it on your body?

If you ask my husband this, he’ll know exactly which two (yes I have two choices). Shemar Moore (from SWAT and Criminal Minds) and Keanu Reeves. As to where on my body? Well hell, anywhere they want!!!!!! As long as they write slowly and clearly. You know, just so you can read it. I’d have to make sure to schedule touch ups every couple of months…

Wait… did you just make this sexual? Veronica. I’d say I’m ashamed but I’d probably do the same thing if given the chance. Shemar and Keanu are good looking men.

7. Writers work hard; it takes months to write a book, and more to edit it, and get it ready for public consumption. What’s something else you’ve invested a lot of time into, that’s not your collection of empty Twinkie wrappers?

Twinkies suck! They are dry as hell. Now Swiss Cake Rolls are the bomb; those and Ding Dongs. I eat all the chocolate off the outside first, then unroll it and eat it as I go. Ooh, the best are the chocolate raspberry Gansitos. I guess the only other thing besides my marriage (does that count – LOL), would be my job. I started out back in 1988 as a receptionist who didn’t even know how to use a PC hardly. They taught me everything I know and know I do 2D and 3D computer drafting for an engineering company; the same people that hired and trained me incidentally.

What the hell is a Gansitos? I’ll have to Google it, for research purposes. They sell them on Amazon? Yep, they sure do.

8. Of everything you’ve ever read (not TV or movies) what hero, or heroine made your heart soar with badassery or love?

Ripley in Aliens. “Get away from her you bitch!” Could there ever be a better line in a movie? I even loved Alien 3, even though everyone else seems to hate it. I’ve heard they have another Alien movie coming out that she’ll be in. I got the chance to meet Sigourney Weaver a couple years ago when she came to Houston for Comicpalooza. The autograph alone was $125 and that’s just more than I’ll pay for anyone. Except for George Romero, I would’ve spent that much, but he only charged $50. Overcharge much Sigourney?

Ripley in Aliens is the straight up muhfukkin BOSS. I credit her with my love for females who take zero shit, and get all the shit done regardless of whatever is going on. No quit in that character and I love it. And I own a George Romero autograph. I think I paid $20 for him to sign my copy of Day of the Dead. Worth it. Sigourney… not so much.

9. What’s more terrifying; a future where there are robots all over the place, doing human work, or a future where humans have to do everything?

The robot future of course. As soon as you relinquish all control over to them, we become useless. People want everything too easy now. I worked hard my entire life and I don’t plan to sit on my butt while they make the world go ‘round. Unless they are here to clean my house. Yeah, they can clean my whole house first.

If I take anything away from all these interviews, its that we all hate doing housework. All of us.

10. Conventions: Awesome experiences, or plagues upon humanity? What’s something good and bad about them?

I love conventions. And not just because I sell way more books there than on Amazon. I love seeing cosplayers and the funny stuff that happens around me. I keep my camera at my table and snap pictures of as many as I can. I try to do as many tables that I can afford. Sometimes they just don’t pan out though. I just did a paranormal con a couple weekends ago and only sold 5 books the entire weekend. There were more volunteers than actual paying guests there. It’s hit or miss but sometimes when you lose that bad, it makes you hesitant to try new things. But last fall I shared a booth with another author, Will Allen, at Katy Rice Festival for the first time (that damn festival had been going on for 50 years where I live and I never went once). I figured I’d give it a try. I sold more books that weekend than ever. And it was a blast. I was near the beer truck (beer and books – never go wrong!) and the giant screen TV was there too, so we got to watch the football games all weekend (beer, books, and football!). And the port-a-can was only a couple dozen steps away (that’s the most important part when you get to be my age). This year I’ll be doing 8 tables (cons, library events, and tables at local brewerys) and 2 that I’ve done were new and 2 others I plan to do are also new.

Will Allen is super nice. I met him at Scares that Care a few years ago and he was awesome. And always… ALWAYS be near the beer trucks, or the bathrooms. Guaranteed food traffic.

Veronica, thanks. You rock.

Veronica Smith is a lover of all things horror. Whether she’s reading, writing, or watching; that’s what you will find her doing when she isn’t at her day job. She treats everyday as if it was Halloween and hasn’t yet been fired for decorating her cubicle as if it’s a haunted house. She’s been writing since 2014, when her first short story, “A Very Zombie Christmas,” was published, and works on several projects simultaneously. Currently she is finalizing “Between The Pages – Chapter Three: Jamal” and she is working on several short stories. And rounding it off, she’s doing rewrites on her zombie post-apoc novel, “Salvation.” She lives in Katy with her husband of over thirty years. She’s usually found at local events, as well the pie shop feeding her weekly pie bingo addiction.

 

Connect with her on Facebook here. Or on her website.

Check out her new release here:

And here’s the blurb.

Jamal “JJ” Jackson beat the odds growing up in a rough Houston inner city neighborhood. He resisted drugs and gangs, earning straight A’s in school, and making his mother proud. Now that everyone appears to have turned into deranged killers, he finds himself with the lives of three young children in his hands. Inexperienced, in both fighting and child care, he vows to protect them in this dangerous new world.

Follow the Between the Pages Amazon series page here.