The 10D10 Interview Challenge
#14 – Javan Bonds, author, wiseass, monkey collector.
Javan seems pleasant. I haven’t actually met him in person due to some pesky restraining orders that are still lingering, but I’m hoping another few weeks will get him to change his mind about pressing charges. I can say that based on what I’ve seen through his windows he’s a real good dude, and should probably clean under his bed. WAAAY too many dust bunnies.
I rolled some dice for this cat, and got the following digits: 8, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 9, 7, 9, 7
Fun was had. Here’s the proof:
- Coffee is the best of all beverages: prove me wrong or agree.
I am 100% with you. I drink black coffee as dark as you can get it. And I’ve recently decided to go completely decaf on everything. The coffee is now nothing but basically burned, dirty water. Since my only other beverage is water, that means I can drink the stuff all day, every day.
Wait… why decaf? Who makes that choice? I mean… why brew anything at all? Just go out in your yard and scoop up some puddle water and drink that. At least you’d be getting trace protein from bacteria and shit. I weep for your lack of caffienation.
- Plotter, or pantser, and why?
It might take some people a minute to figure out what the hell you’re talking about. I had to read that twice just to make sure you weren’t talking about some famous authors I’ve never heard of. But to answer, I don’t plot my story, I am a pantser. I write by the seat of my pants. Since I started writing Zombie Lake, now at least seven books into the Still Alive Series, I have never been able to plan ahead. Well, I guess I do to a point. I have a general idea of where I want to go, but getting there usually surprises me just as much at the reader.
I want people to take a minute to figure stuff out. Challenge them. Much like how challenging it is to write a book. And, for the record, this is a good way to explain why being a pantser works for so many. I’m a capri-er. Not quite pants, not quite shorts… Wait. I mean. I plan a little. Nevermind.
- What pulls you out of a movie or book most? Bad dialogue? Bad Special effects? What? WHAT I DEMAND TO KNOW?!
Being legally blind, I haven’t seen a movie in a long time, about 9 years. But I would have to say I always hated those movies that try to be epic, whether with dialogue or crazy special-effects, and are still steaming piles of shit. It makes you want to scream. “You’re not Star Wars. Cut the bullshit!”
Ahhh here we are. Legally blind. I bet this plays into the whole decaf thing. I bet you were tricked or some shit. You couldn’t make that choice intentionally. I’ll be sorting that out for years.
- What’s the secret to playing Monopoly with a loved one, and retaining that relationship after all the rent is paid?
There is really not one. Especially when you find out after the game is over that the person cheated you out of some of that rent. It’s hard to believe your mother when she tells you she loves you when she owes you an extra $13 for the rent at Park Place. Even worse is trying to look your brother in the eye and not remember he bankrupted you for the hotel stay at Marvin Gardens.
Man… my mom was a savage bitch when it came to Monopoly. I remember once, she bought Park Place early in a game and bled my dad and I dry while cackling and throwing her colorful money around like Scrooge McDuck. Hard to hear “I love you,” after that. I feel ya. I feel ya.
- Be honest: do you still splash in puddles? If you don’t… why the fuck not? What can you do to splash in more puddles? Because it’s FUN AS HELL.
I’m in a wheelchair so I typically avoid puddles. If there are puddles, there is usually rain so it’s going to be wet anyway. Pushing the wheels, my hands are probably going to be sopping wet. I would just rather not be dirty on top of that. Wait. Wet and dirty? I take that back. It all depends on the company.
Blind AND in a wheelchair? You’re a goddamn super hero that you still write good books. SO fucking cool. Also, wet and dirty can be a good thing, but it looks like you wandered onto that conclusion all on your own. Kudos.
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
Even before I first saw Jurassic Park, I always wanted to be an archaeologist. I would be the first to uncover a new type of dinosaur bones. Can anyone picture the Javanosaurus Rex? It would be badass!
That does seem like a badass job. Discovering ancient history? Bringing it into the present? That’s basically time travel. Also, Javanosaurus would be a badass name for a dinosaur. I’ll start the petition online.
- Writers work hard; it takes months to write a book, and more to edit it, and get it ready for public consumption. What’s something else you’ve invested a lot of time into, that’s not your collection of empty Twinkie wrappers?
I’ve never been much of a Hostess man. Little Debbie has always been the snack cake choice of my life. Absolutely nothing to those wrappers, so there’s no point in collecting them. But, as a child, my cousin and I devoured hundreds of dollars of miniature Reese’s Cups at our grandmother’s house. We would take that piece of black paper around each candy and just throw it away. Secretly, we stored the aluminum foil wrappings around each one and put them all to gather to create a sphere at least the size of a basketball. Our creations were epic!
Oh. To answer your other question… It’s really hard to think of anything worth mentioning as grand as the giant Reese’s cup ball. If I’m not writing and promoting, I’m not doing much else.
Reese’s… oh Reese’s. I have a deep and abiding infatuation with that candy. I can’t even fathom how big my sphere could be. Hundreds and hundreds of those little bastards are in my ass as fat right now.
- Of everything you’ve ever read (not TV or movies) what hero, or heroine made your heart soar with badassery or love?
Because I’m a Tufonian, I would have to say Michael Talbot. It’s amazing how that guy can go through all the shit he deals with all the time and still have something of a positive outlook.
It’s all the weed Mark Tufo smokes that makes Talbot so cool and popular. Just saying.
- Which is your favorite Winnie The Pooh Bear character, Pooh, Piglet, or Tigger? Don’t try to tell me you didn’t watch Pooh Bear as a child. You probably still do!
I do like honey, but I’m allergic to pork. You’ll find that out in the fourth book in my series, Zombie Oasis. Really though, I would have to say I most relate with Eeyore. He such a happy-go-lucky guy and nothing but good happens to him! I have almost as many friends as he does.
Jesus, allergic to pork? Can you eat bacon? Is that considered pork still? Fuck starting an online petition, I’m going straight o GoFundMe to start a ‘Heal Javan from his bacon curse,’ fundraiser. This is worse than that time I dropped a cake. I didn’t have cake for a whole ten minutes!
- Someone walks up to you at a book signing and says this: “I found ten typos in your book. Can I have your email so I can send you an edited version of your manuscript so you can fix them?” What do you say to them, and how do you hide your unbridled fury?
Fury? It would make me happy as hell if someone was willing to make me look like less of an idiot for free. And by the way, any typos in my books can be blamed on Dragon NaturallySpeaking. I don’t make such grievous errors. I would take this person to another room. “You’re willing to do this for free? Holy shit. My email is zombie@javanbonds.com
Now that’s turning a frown upside down. I guess that’s how someone takes a bad situation and turns it into an opportunity. Great attitude about being shit all over by a know-it-all douche canoe!
You’re a hero, Javan, and thanks for stopping in today!
Javan Bonds is the Amazon Best Selling author of the Zompoc series, Still Alive. This series includes Book One: Zombie Lake, Book Two: Zombie Island, Book Three: Zombies On A Plane, Book Four: Zombie Oasis, and Book Five: Zombie River Run. Upcoming books in the series yet to be released include Zombie Paradise Lost, Zombie Insurrection, Zombie Deliverance, Zombie Tide, Zombie Bay, and Zombie Gulf … just to name a few.
The Still Alive series follows a group of survivors in small-town Alabama trying to keep their wits about them… making a new life in a world overrun by naked, blue-skinned, yellow-eyed, nocturnal zombies that spew vile shit everywhere. Also, these former humans attempt to devour every last morsel of flesh on any uninfected as they become increasingly more intelligent and sadistic. Fun times! Think WW-Z, Zombieland, and Shaun Of The Dead, only better.
Bonds has had to overcome numerous obstacles in writing, as well as to live his daily life. Diagnosed at the age of eleven with Friedrich’s Ataxia (FA), (a progressively degenerative neuromuscular disease under the umbrella of Muscular Dystrophy ), FA has slowly robbed him of his physical abilities through the years. Bonds started using a wheelchair in 1999, but that was only the beginning of his setbacks. In 2010, his sight started diminishing, to the point he is now legally blind. Now, because of his deteriorating hearing, he can’t pick up individual voices in a noisy room.
In spite of all of this, he continues to work tirelessly… seven days a week on his writing. Bonds, never letting his disability rule him, has lived, loved, and laughed often. Reading and writing have long provided Bonds with both pleasure and a creative outlet. At a very young age, he began blogging and has written articles and letters for local newspapers. In 2010, he discovered a passion for writing novels. With the help of Nuance’s Dragon Naturally Speaking, he continues to write every day.
In late 2015, at only 28 years old, Bonds was told he might have only a short time left, due to the ravages of FA on his heart. After learning that, he has been hard at work to complete his other novels and have them finished before his time in this world runs out. In mid-2016, Bonds published his first novel, FREE STATE OF DODGE, the first book in a dystopian series about America in decline and its rebirth.
Bonds hopes you enjoy the Still Alive series, with its humor, pop culture references, and excessive zombie killing action. Oh, and there is a pirate ship too. Planning to write many more installments in his Still Alive series, he is revisiting Free State of Dodge, working to complete a saga sometime in the near future… as well as releasing Audible versions of most of his current works.
Javan has these words of wisdom to offer for others stricken by a life-shortening illness. “Live your life. Light your candle on both ends and let it burn. It may go out faster, but it will be brighter than some who live much longer.” Keep an eye on his flame. Watch it burn!
Zombie Lake: goo.gl/aBDNeh
Zombie Island: goo.gl/m74nwX
Zombies on a Plane: goo.gl/Eni1Au
Zombie Oasis: goo.gl/uTS8Sp
Zombie River Run: goo.gl/qht19N
STILL ALIVE SERIES: goo.gl/eFBqvh